Should I scold my child or should I start with myself?
Right education: child psychology and advice to parents
Child-rearing is a difficult task that lasts from the moment you have a child in your family. Sometimes the behaviour of their beloved child puts loving parents at a standstill, and it seems that there is no way out of this situation. However, there is always a way out, we just need to think about our actions towards your child, to analyze the behaviour of your child, to find out why he is behaving so badly, to try to look at the problems of education through the eyes of the child.
Parenting should know the basics of child psychology
Parent-child communication plays an important role in parenting. Many experts state that this is the most important and effective way to influence behaviour and character during childhood, which will be of great importance in the future in shaping the personality and outlook of children's lives.
Belower are the articles on “child psychology”, “child upbringing” that all parents should be familiar with in order not to make mistakes in child upbringing.
What is child psychology – a definition
Anticles on how to calm children during conflict
Most parents have no idea how to convince a child to behave calmly, how to find an approach in childhood with their child.
Nurturing children who have reached adolescence is a headache for many parents. The child's psychology changes dramatically, his mood changes frequently.
A few minutes ago, he was very happy to talk to parents, he told adults about his studies, his achievements and his life in society, and after a while he seemed to have been replaced. He gets cranky, demands expensive things or asks to go for a night walk.
You shouldn't be afraid of this kind of behavior, because the child's psyche changes, it's considered normal behavior in children.
What do you do when you have a conflict? Keep calm
In such a still quite childhood children understand for themselves at the subconscious level that they behave incorrectly. But still the stubborn character and stubbornness of the child takes over the mind.
Usually in such a situation parents put their hands down, referring to a difficult age. Sometimes they make mistakes in education, showing their weakness, yielding to the whims of adolescence.
Worst of all, when adults lose their temper because of stress, and raise the voice of the child.
The radical change of mood in children, disgusting behavior in childhood can drive anyone crazy, even the most balanced teachers.
You can't shout at a child, because in this case the child's psyche can get spoiled.
Children's negativity is a temporary phenomenon
To avoid a quarrel, you need to follow a series of rules:
- If the child has uncontrollable behavior, try to take over. Give him or her more time to do his or her favorite things;
- The stories of psychology tell us that it is important for children to have free time. Give him a break from everyone and be alone to do his or her own things;
- If you do snap and yell at your children, you need to fix the situation as soon as possible. When the situation settles down a little bit, the child's psyche will return to normal, you should explain your behavior.
Punishment of the child should not be scary and inadequate
Article about what to do if children have frequent hysteria and endless whims
The psychology of children is designed to please and please their families. They adore the increased attention to themselves, want to feel care, love and warmth.
Because of this, we can say that there are no so-called difficult children, there are only not very attentive parents.
Children are hysterical at any age and with even the most perfect parents. I don't think we can avoid that. The child's psyche is disturbed when he begins to show a strong anger. He or she can ride on the floor, stomp on his or her feet, throw things away, and even try to fight with parents.
Cause of children's whims
In a child's upbringing, it is important to understand the reason for such whims and try to fight them, because they hinder the development of children, contribute to the fact that the child becomes a selfish person. Mental health in children needs treatment.
The most effective way to deal with this behavior in childhood is to ignore the child's demands. You can be funny about this behavior, hug your kid. Stay in a balanced state, the most important thing is not to be nervous.
Over time he will understand that his destructive behavior will not lead to anything.
If the child is hysterical in a crowded place, such as a shopping mall, and you don't want to find out about the relationship with him in the presence of strangers, take him out into the fresh air in a quiet place.
There the child can be capricious and cry as much as he likes. The child's psyche needs to calm down if he or she gets all the anger outdoors.
How to react to children's whims – tips
When the children are in a mood of capriciousness, it will not be possible to talk to him or her. After the child's condition has improved, it is worth talking to him or her.
Tell him or her that his or her behaviour is very upsetting for you, and you shouldn't be so capricious because of every trifle. Tell him that you hope he will behave more prudently in the future. Let the child know that you will love him no matter what.
The psychology of children is designed so that after this conversation the child will wake up to the soul of guilt.
The main rule is stay calm and ignore his provocation.
Articles on how to encourage a child not to be spoilt
When children are 3 years old, they are already well adapted to the world around them. They're starting to wonder what they're doing. Basically, all their actions are aimed at attracting the attention of their parents.
He does not always manage to get what he needs by behaving like this. Sometimes the child's psyche realizes that bad behavior is the right step to attract the attention of adults. Don't scold a child if he or she has done a bad thing at once.
It's better to analyze your actions.
How to encourage a child – advice
Most children at this age behave in an impulsive way. He can laugh and play quietly, and in a minute he can start crying for no apparent reason. At an early age, babies are not yet able to control their behavior.
Parents should not forget this. If he does not comply with the requests of adults, for example, does not remove his toys, he does not demonstrate his harmful nature, and just busy with his important things for him. He has not yet been able to think about his actions instantly.
The correct reaction of parents in this situation affects the future development of the child.
Things of encouragement in the family
The formation of the child's personality, the healthy and strong psyche of the child, depends largely on the parents' attitude towards him, as well as the time spent on games during childhood and the reaction of adults to the bad behavior of the child.
Praise and encouragement of children during their upbringing
Partners need not only to punish their child for bad behaviour and actions, but also to praise them. It is right to praise a child so that he or she can do good deeds later on, it is necessary to learn to do good deeds. If you keep telling your child how good he is at every opportunity, the child will no longer like it.
He will take such praise speeches from adults for granted. Therefore, it is only necessary to praise your child for the work he has done, for the help he can get from adults, for the useful things he has done by spending his personal time on it.
Of course, it is worth complimenting him, telling him that he has done a good job, that his parents appreciate him very much, but don't overdo it.
On encouragement and punishment – when and how to apply
Praising children is only a matter of case. In this case, you should talk to the child as honestly as possible so that he or she can understand forever that it is great to do good deeds for the benefit of the child.
You can answer to the child's positive deeds by giving him or her the desired gifts. In this case, too, you should not forget the sense of proportion. As a gift you can use not only sweets and expensive gadgets.
Joy and bright emotions will bring a little man hiking in the circus, theater or cinema. Mom and daughter can bake a delicious meal together for a mini holiday.
This will be much more interesting than just buying candy in a store, and the combined actions of an adult and a baby will bring the family together and help to better understand the children and influence their character.
Need to spoil the children
A series of mistakes made by parents in their children's upbringing
Parental insistence is sometimes made to do things that the child does not like.
“Do what you are asked, otherwise parents will stop loving you” – often such words can be heard from tortured parents, when the child restlessness and does not want to fulfill the requirements of adults.
According to adults, it is useless for a child to persuade and talk to them in the soul. He still does not give in to persuasions.
Partner's advice from a psychologist
Listen to the opinion of psychologists on the words of parents “if you do not fulfill my request, I will stop loving you. Children take this threat very seriously, experts say.
- First of all, deception is not the best way to put pressure on a child. This is the threat of deception.
- Secondly, such a statement is unlikely to have a positive impact on your child. It's better not to cheat on your child. Try replacing this threatening phrase with another one, like this one: “I will always love you, but I don't like your behavior, I'm very saddened”.
Parental support is the most important thing for a child
At the same time, they don't say a very good thing about children to make them think, “I'm much older than you, I'm a dad (mother). It will be the same as I say”.
Many adults believe that rigour towards the younger generation is the best way to educate. Parents are much older and more experienced than their children, so they are always right.
If you indulge the little man, he will finally “sit” on his head, and will not fulfill the requests coming from adults.
And what will the experts in child psychology say? Motivation is important in the performance of an assignment from an adult child, and he or she should know that his or her efforts will be rewarded appropriately. The little person needs to be convinced that he or she is trying not to be in vain.
If children are treated too strictly, this can lead to a situation where the child will only listen to you and fulfill your requests in your presence. But when there's no one home, the kid's gonna be sabotaging, doing everything he can to upset his parents. A strict attitude is necessary, of course, but don't bend the stick.
If you don't have time to persuade your child, promise to reward him for his work later, if he does everything he can.
How to raise children correctly: 9 rules
It seems that you can find a magic pill that will help us to bring up a happy and versatile person. Sometimes parents go too far in their desire. Punish them for prevention, and then maybe they won't listen at all. They're afraid to forbid something, maybe they'll hurt you. Buy too many toys and clothes to compensate for their absence. We do not trust children, do not believe that they will grow and develop without our active intervention. Parents sometimes think they are so smart that they can say exactly what will make a child happy.
In fact, it has long been proven in practice that successful and happy are those people who were loved as children.
This means that the little person saw how happy his smile was, how happy his mum and dad are sincerely interested in his life. I knew my parents would come to the rescue and help. That's the kind of kid you'd spend time with. But my parents also had their own adult life. Avoiding extremes is always helpful.
When we live for children, it burdens them and prevents them from being separated from their parents. And when mom and dad are not around all the time, it gives the opposite effect – the desire to get what was missing in childhood. That's why it's a good medium for parenting. Don't create artificial situations, let life flow by itself.
Sometimes too conscious and well-read parents stop hearing themselves and their child, following the advice of others. Be critical of this article. Listen to yourself. Why is an item rejected or easily accepted? Think about it, analyze it. Perhaps something wasn't enough in your childhood.
Or, on the contrary, in excess. Look at your child, listen to yourself. And then it'll work out.
1. Personal example
It is important to remember that it is not words that bring up, but deeds, personal example. I guess that's where to start. The child imitates the parents from birth.
Can a son or daughter be active if the parents are lying on the couch? Is it possible to make you love to read or to do creative work? A lot of things are only real to infect. If parents are active, active, like living and learning new things, the child will definitely start to feel and accept them.
If you are being polite, then the child will learn to say hello and give way to public transport more quickly. What you say about politics, the situation in the country, people's relationships will be absorbed.
If parents constantly criticize the situation, see little of their responsibility, what to expect from a child? You don't have to pull yourself up to perfection in this place. A parent is a living person. You're sad, tired, angry, worried, happy, laughing, sometimes lazy.
It's important, of course, to remember the personal example, but overstressing won't do the trick. Do what you love – go for a walk, go to the theatre with your child, tell stories from childhood, read. Infect me with your example. Show how you cope with difficulties, conflict and complex situations. One word about how you live.
Adult is the main person in the family, but he is also the one who ensures the safety of the child. A parent is protection, support, help. So it's important to always be on the child's side, showing that making mistakes and falling isn't so scary when there's someone around to help you get up.
3. Hierarchy in the family
Adults are big, children are small. Sometimes many problems in the family occur because of the broken hierarchy. The child is given too much responsibility and freedom beyond his or her age. Then it's hard to stay small and develop according to nature. Of course, it is important to give the child freedom, to listen to his or her opinion, to ask what he or she likes to eat, what fairy tale he or she wants to hear, what kind of jacket to wear in the garden or school. But it is the parents who decide on the important issues, because they are adults. They are not destroyed by the child's aggression, they do not share their difficulties with the child.
Yes, the mother may be sick and ask the child not to disturb her, but the adult does not put the child in a position where he or she cannot cope without them. Parents rely on their friends, relatives, not the child. If Mom starts saying, “Don't do that, you're upsetting Mommy,” she shifts the responsibility to the child for her feelings.
Adult can demand proper behavior and attitude, but he remembers who's little here.
4. Quality time with a child
Sometimes it happens that parents cannot give their child due attention. Sometimes there are objective reasons for this – the mother raises the child alone, works a lot, there is little help. And there are situations when it is difficult for parents to be in live contact with children, so they replace their attention and love with gifts, toys, gadgets.
It is in a warm human relationship that a child learns to interact with the world, and there is also self-esteem. We always find time for something really important in our lives. Even if you don't spend the whole day with your child, take him or her 1-2 hours a day. Listen, tell your stories. Play or read.
Find out what he's interested in.
5. Respect for the best interests of the child
Sometimes it happens that parents devalue what their children like: dolls, heroes, games, music, movies and even sometimes friends. We want to respect the areas we are interested in.
So the best way to do this is not to love, but to try to get interested in what fascinates our children. Sometimes it happens that parents are more curious and understand the child's interests.
6. Focusing on the positive
Must have seen information on how the red pen spoils self-esteem in the Internet when a teacher makes one mistake in the notebook and does not emphasize everything else written correctly.
Sometimes parents are so worried about the success and future of the child that they start to pay too much attention to the negative and emphasize it. Therefore, it is important to devote much more time and effort to praise.
Little children who are constantly being scolded begin to behave badly to get attention from their parents. And older kids are worried about low self-esteem. Learn to see your child's strengths and focus on them.
Often the child is well aware of his or her problems, so why remind them again? Kids deserve to hear good words. Very often, behind the problem behavior is a story of over-criticism that comes from adults.
7. Granting freedom
Of course, freedom must be age-appropriate. A child can choose what kind of fruit to eat, what kind of fairy tale to listen to, what form to wear, what kind of circle to choose. When a parent takes care of a child too much, he provokes protest behavior.
8. Refusing from the position “Child is the meaning of life”
This is wonderful when parents love their children very much. But not when a child fills all the space.
Mom can say, “I gave birth to a child for herself,” “I did everything for you,” “I sacrificed a job for you,” “you're the meaning of my life. It's very difficult for a child. In this case, it is almost impossible to become an adult and leave your parents' home.
Live for yourself, a child is only a part of an adult's life. That's when it's all gonna come to its own.
Whichever trivial it sounds, simple communication increases trust. Initiate communication. Ask the baby. If he's reluctant to talk, start telling them yourself.
Kids of all ages love stories from their parents' childhood. Something funny, sad. Something that's gonna come up. Don't squeeze, wait until your son or daughter wants to tell you what happened during the day, what's troubling or pleasing.
In any case, remember that rules are just guidelines that only you can understand. Parents know their children better than anybody else, but they may not notice what's important. Listen to the advice and relate it to the real situation. Take care of yourself.
Remember the example of an oxygen mask? It is important to think about your needs and remember that children need happy parents around them. Don't take parenting too seriously. When we think and analyze too much, it is difficult to see and feel the child. Wrong is natural. Only those who do not do anything wrong.
Read books, useful articles, but adapt your knowledge to your life.
How to raise a child and avoid mistakes – psychological advice
The question, how to raise a child happy and successful worries almost every parent. We all want our children to be happy and ready to make a lot of efforts to do so. Being a parent isn't easy, but love, patience, and understanding of what happens to the little person is a positive thing.
Children's Upbringing – Start with yourself
All children copy their parents, not only human but also animal. This mechanism is laid down by nature. The logic is as follows: if an individual has been able to survive to adulthood and have offspring, then she has behaved correctly, and by copying such behaviour, the child will also be able to survive and continue the birth.
Our children are subconsciously copying us, parents are the most important example. When thinking about how to raise a child, remember , it doesn't matter what we say to our children, the main thing is how we do .
If adults say one thing and do the other, the child copies the action. It is useless to scold and lecture, and the child will be confused by such a controversial upbringing, or will quickly learn to deceive artfully.
Practice shows that his own example is the most effective upbringing method. For example, if you want to teach your child to brush twice a day, don't forget about the toothbrush.
By making reasonable demands on your child that don't contradict your actions, you will gain their trust and save them a lot of nerves.
Irritating to your own child – look in the mirror
Many parents say that nothing is so annoying to your own child as its own shortcomings.
A person wants to look better than he really is, and children are a kind of mirror that shows sometimes not the best parental traits. Most likely, the children will stop reproducing it. It's worse when an adult doesn't realize that the very annoying qualities are his own.
Thinking about how to raise a child without the features that make you nervous, it's worth saying to yourself: there's probably something wrong with me. This problem can be solved. Calm down and ask yourself: “Why am I annoyed with his behavior? Why am I so overreacting to this?”.
The causes of irritation can be different. Or you're acting like your baby, but you don't see it. Or, once as a child, you were forbidden from doing so, and now you are “inherited” by passing on the prohibitions to your children.
Finding out the cause of your own strong emotions will allow you to either change your attitude to the situation or find a way to solve the problem.
How to raise a child happy – give him the right to be himself
Memorize that the baby was born a person, he already has a set of qualities, temperament. A little man should have the right to live his childhood the way he likes. Of course, parents will work with the baby and guide him, but taking into account personal characteristics.
The child with the temperament of choleric is active and very much in need of regular spilling out of energy. Give your baby this opportunity, don't neglect to walk and play active games. If the fidgety doesn't “run out” during the day, you won't see a quiet evening. You can't try to turn such a baby into a melancholic just because it's more convenient for adults.
Such breakdowns are destructive to the psyche and are fraught with many problems in the future.
Little phlegmatic, on the contrary, should be given the opportunity to sit quietly alone with toys. He doesn't need any loud company. Don't try to move it into the middle of nowhere and make it play with other kids.
These hermits watch their peers from the outside and learn to live in a group in their own way. Let your baby be a person, accept and respect his features. Not always what is good for you is acceptable to the child.
Take into account the difference between you and the child, between the child and other children. It's very important.
Oh, punishment, threats, and shame
A grown-up's success depends a lot on how he or she fixes problems and whether or not he or she can admit and correct his or her own mistakes. Such useful qualities are often shaped in childhood. Raising a child by means of threats, accusations, and shame pressure can make him or her kill the initiative forever and the desire to be active.
If he or she has done something wrong, don't call him or her a bad person, an unflattering characteristic can only be given to action. It is important to bring to the fore that his parents love him, but grieved by a specific act. The kid has to understand where he was wrong and how to fix the situation. In this way, he will learn to act correctly and will not grow hesitant or hesitant.
Punishment should also be without intimidation or accusation. The baby should live in a world he understands. His parents are warning him of the punishment for a particular misdemeanor. Most likely, the child will immediately check the words of adults in practice.
Here it is important to show firmness: nascodile – the punishment has taken place, the framework is delineated, the laws are clear, everything is fair.
Remember that for one misdemeanor is not punished several times! Children who live by rules they understand with predictable adults are calm and confident in themselves.
No recipe for proper upbringing at all. Reflecting on how to raise a child, for each of you will find an individual method, which will take into account the characteristics of the individual, the priorities of the family and stages of development of the baby. The peculiarity of raising children depending on their age will be discussed in the following articles.