Can I spank a child on the ass?
Maybe in the process of upbringing a child on the butt
Often you can see an outraged mother slapping a roaring baby on the ass in the street. This common method of upbringing is firmly rooted in our society and is considered to be a necessary measure of influence on a disobedient child. Is it okay to kick a child's ass and what do psychologists say about it?
Methods of educational work
As soon as the karapuzzle starts to move on its own feet, it is inevitably affected by the educational impact of adults. “Don't go in there! Don't take poop in your hands! Get away from the TV!” – the baby's been doing something wrong all day. What are the educational measures? In its history, humanity has developed three educational methods:
In the first case, the child is subjected to a training or mushtra: he or she is obliged to follow all the orders of adults accurately, otherwise he or she will be punished. The kid gets used to this kind of educational style. Well, if it is not accompanied by physical suggestion.
Democratic method involves communicating with the karapuz, gives him the right to express his opinion and defend positions. Parents are ready for such a style of communication, who do not spare their energy on the educational process and want to form a crumb of an integral personality with a sense of human dignity.
In a mixed style there is a “stick and a carrot” according to the circumstances. They tightened the nuts where they had to, released them where they had to. Basically, the “nuts are tightened” according to the mood: when mom/daughter is lazy to explain the truth.
“Was I beaten up as a child, so what?” is the way modern moms argue, justifying their dissolved nerves. Everybody was taught at school that it is not dignified and cruel to hurt the little ones: they cannot respond to aggression. Everybody's been taught that “no beating of the lying man”. So why don't these rules apply to your own kids? Maybe it's because the baby is considered a property?
First of all, it hurts. Second of all, it's a shame. Third, it generates aggression in response. Then parents wonder why their adult son is so cruel! Another extreme of such a method may be the child's uncertainty about his or her abilities and abilities: the child will be afraid of reaching his or her potential. So is it okay to hit a kid? Absolutely not. It's violence.
The consequence of violence can be:
- child's body injury;
- psychological trauma;
- accumulation of aggression;
- desire to go against it;
- response desire for revenge.
This set of character traits is formed imperceptibly and resembles a time bomb. Fear of punishment (especially when the ass is hit with a strap for “good intentions”) has a negative impact not only on the psyche, but also on the metabolic processes of the body:
- when you feel resentment your throat is shrinking;
- fear suffers from a distinctive system.
Remember your nervous feelings: either an uncontrollable hunger attacks or you don't want to eat at all. The baby feels the same way! If you have a strong sense of fear, your baby can pee in his pants or poop himself – this will further aggravate the unpleasant situation. Do you need such educational measures?
Tip.If you have a loose hand and want to hit a baby on the ass, you need to put yourself in its place. Pleasant little.
But the most unpleasant thing is still ahead: some kids from blows of a belt or a hand on a butt can suffer an enuresis! Do you need a wet crib in the morning for educational purposes? Heavy blow to the butt shakes the whole body of the baby and hits the kidneys. There's an explanation for why you can't hit kids. But parents don't want to think about it in educational excitement.
Why does the baby disobey
Psychologists have identified several causes of child disobedience. They are:
- struggle for self-assertion;
- means of drawing attention;
- wish to contradict;
- the feeling of insecurity
- the inconsistency in the upbringing;
- overestimated requirements for the baby.
All people have a sense of uniqueness, but it may disappear over time. By the year of the baby, she realizes herself as a person who has her own opinion and position. It's the grown-ups who take him for a crumb, but not him! Hence the roots of many childish whims and misunderstandings.
If the karapuzu lacks attention, it finds a way to influence adults – disobedience. Very effective way! Doing the opposite is also one of the methods of influencing the child's parents. The reasons for such behaviour may be offense or lack of parental attention.
A feeling of insecurity arises from the child's constant shaking and the parents' irritation at the very least. The little man simply tries to defend himself and stops perceiving the mother's constant obsessions, and abstracts.
Basic upbringing is achieved when the little one has a lot of tutors – mothers and fathers, grandparents and uncles and aunts.
Each of the tutors has his own ideas about the right upbringing, which can contradict the ideas of other family members. This style can be called “swan, cancer and pike”.
The kid simply does not know how to act: some praise him, others punish him.
Some parents make a little man just impossible demands. Usually it happens at authoritarian parents who raise the word and authority in absolute.
Nobody listens to the child, nobody is interested in its condition – only demand. If you don't, you should be punished.
Being in such an atmosphere is extremely difficult even for adults, not to mention the kids.
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What to do with a naughty baby?
Japanese tradition prohibits scolding and punishing children under five years old. This time is considered sacred, the child should not be touched for educational purposes. What to do, and is it possible to spank a child if he doesn't understand the words? In this situation, it is better to do so:
- to switch the attention of the karapuzza to another object;
- to take it away from the place where it spoils and does not obey;
- to try to negotiate.
Many parents, and even psychologists, recommend that if the child's behaviour is inadequate, it is easy to kick his or her ass. Do we have to do this? Mothers motivate their right to strike as follows: from the unexpectedness of the crumb forgets about their pranks and begins to perceive educational information better. Maybe it's rational. But the consequences of this approach will be negative: over time.
What to replace the slap on the butt? As a last resort, you can:
- shout at the baby;
- wipe his or her hand.
Remember that only parents have the right to shout at the baby or to pull him or her by the hand. Don't let your child's caregivers be rude: they have no right to do so. Besides, slap your ass or your back! If you hear about it from your child, put the question in the meeting or in the office of the manager. Tiny should feel protected by their parents.
How else can you punish a little novice? It is allowed to isolate the baby: put it in a corner for a short time or close it in your room. You can take your walk to the playground or do not give sweets.
Important! You can not intimidate little children with babies and wolves! Some sensitive babies can get a lot of stress because of fear of monsters.
What kind of children are obedient? Psychologists believe that absolute obedience is not natural for a normal cheerful child who is in good health. Absolutely obedient are children:
- with a phlegmatic character;
- with congenital diseases;
- with weak immunity;
- fraid of punishment.
Flegmatic by nature children do not interfere, cause problems or distract adults “on trifles”. You don't have to hit these kids with a belt and slap their asses – they don't set a precedent. However, with this type of character, it will be difficult for a child to adapt in a society where most people are sanguine or choleric.
Childly painful children are also “obedient”: they do not have a source of additional energy for curiosity, which causes parents' dissatisfaction.
What for a child is a process of learning the world, – causes criticism or anger of parents. “Stay out of the socket! Who did she tell?” Mom shouts. Do you think she'll listen to the baby? He's still gonna get in, and then he's gonna get his ass strap or his arm. Curiosity is one of the reasons for disobedience. He's afraid to ask about something again, to say something, to share something with parents.
He's been beaten many times with a belt and left a deep wound in the shower with these methods of education. It's just a perfect child: he doesn't complain about anything, he doesn't ask for anything, he doesn't irritate adults. But how hard it's gonna be for him in life, Mom and Dad don't know! It'll be an adult with a full set of phobias and complexes.
Let's see why parents resort to child abuse. Do they have the right to do that? Theoretically, they have: the little one is entirely in the power of adults.
Dependent position and gives parents the right to bend the stick for educational purposes at any time. But that's just an excuse for not being able to teach: Mothers don't want to spend their energy convincing their babies.
The easiest way to do that is to kick their asses in a big way.
Educational process isn't smooth and takes a lot of mental energy away from adults. Nevertheless, it is important to demonstrate patience and understanding for the little man. Why can't you hit the kids? Physical influences:
- will hurt the psyche;
- will provoke retaliation;
- will form a sense of anger.
Many toddlers lock themselves in and try to get away from the endless flow of complaints. Over time, you may get an out of control teenager, angry and violent. Do not use physical force for educational reasons.
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Button smacking a child – you can – Psychologist
The theory of Murray A. Ostrich, which proves that punishing children with slaps leads to deplorable results in their adult lives, has gained wide popularity today. His arguments seem convincing, but they just seem.
None of the reasonable people nowadays will promote corporal punishment as the only correct way of upbringing, not that.
We are talking about the horrible and irreparable harm caused to a child's psyche by slapping children, but this horror, which Ostrich insists on, is a myth. Family psychologist John C.P. argues with Ostrich, Rosemond, who believes that the data about the slapping effect of children is distorted and too inflated.
What does Rosemond rely on in his discourse?
(1) Ostrich very often cites research in his works that shows that children who have been punished bodily either do not differ from those who have not been slapped, or have a much worse fate than they could have. However, there is no evidence in any of the jobs he refers to of a direct link between slapping and the deterioration of such a child's future life.
Pretty often he also cites his work based on a student survey as an example. There, young people evaluated themselves and talked about their children's experiences. Such a study can only be cited as an observation, but not as a work that shows the relationship between slapping and any influence on the adult life of the respondents.
Ostrich believes that if a child is beaten, he or she develops antisocial tendencies. But in fact, many of our contemporaries grew up at a time when parents did not ask themselves about the psychological damage of slapping on their asses. However, the vast majority of those children who have grown up live a normal life.
(2) Ostrich does not distinguish between “hitting” and “spanking”. The notions are similar, but there is still a significant difference between them. Both phenomena are assessed by Ostrich as physical violence and parents are required to take equal responsibility for these actions.
(3) Ostrich draws a parallel between slapping in childhood and the tendency to violence in the future. He doesn't think the child will see the difference between love and pain. And, therefore, “if he loves you, he should hit you.” In addition, the example of parents who release their irritation and negative emotions on a child may serve to develop a habit of reacting to stress in the same way, says Ostrich.
But let's return to the experience of today's adults, who in the vast majority of cases were slapped by their parents. Ostrich's theory is that all these people should hit their husbands. How widespread is the practice of beating wives nowadays? After all, according to Ostrich's postulates, spouses should be beaten up in almost 100% of cases.
(4) Ostrich often quotes works selectively.
So, he quite often refers to the work of Robert Larzelaire, in which he says that explaining the parents to the child for what he was slapped for significantly reduces the risk of negative consequences for the child, but still does not eliminate him completely. Although there is another work by the same author that says that timeout and easy slapping on the butt work better than just time out, or just slapping.
(5) slapping can not be considered the main marker that affects the whole education in general. Flip-flops are not just an isolated action, but are usually part of the interaction between parents and children.
All the more important is the general style of education. It's a big difference who gave the ass to a child – a loving and supportive parent, or an authoritarian and cold, not recognizing a person in the child.
And again, for what and under what conditions did the child get this slap? What was the reason? Did the baby do something wrong? What's that, exactly? Didn't listen to his parents deliberately, or did he fail because of his age, or did the situation with his participation arise unwittingly (the mother was in a hurry, and the child fell on the road in a puddle)? Or did the parent unjustifiably defuse the child or dot his or her unsuccessful interaction with the child?
(6) Ostrich gives the example of research linking physical influences on adolescents and their asocial behaviour. But it is also not really known how much these things are related.
What kind of upbringing style did these families have in general, was it limited to “slapping” the teenager, just slapping, or was there some other type of violence.
What is the identity of the teenagers who were slapped by their parents? Were there any antisocial tendencies in their behaviour before the physical impact on them?
Mindedness of other researchers
Rosemond is not the only critic of Strauss' theory. Joel Paris and Raymond Jacques believe that the link between whipping and mental health problems in the future may reflect common genetic reasons.
In order to explain the results of the link between mental disorders and spanking, one must keep in mind that parents who spank may be mentally ill (of course, not all of them, but they may be distorted by the statistics on the relationship between mental disorders and spanking).
In 2009, Ostrich himself no longer made a clear judgment about the undeniable bad consequences of flogging.
Thus, when commenting on his latest study to date (that children who were often slapped have lower intelligence), Ostrich admits that it is not clear what is the cause and what is the consequence.
It is possible that children who are spanked do develop weaker cognitive abilities. But it may also be that children with lower intellectual abilities are more likely to irritate their parents with their irrationality – and therefore more likely to be punished.
He himself contacted one of the anti-bullying organizations to explain the weak points of the theory, but did not wait for any answer. And indeed, if you use the Google search, the queries will offer only the position of Strauss. And that's not all. Although the American Pediatricians' Association generally supports Strauss, two pediatricians, Dan Trumbal and DaBose Revenel, have contributed to this general split. They're quoting a survey of over 100 Americans. In 4 cases out of 5 interviewees admitted that they were spanked in childhood – and expressed the opinion that they benefited from it. Of course, such a survey cannot be a refutation of Ostrich's theory. But Trumble and Ravenel argued further: (1) Based on the work of John Lyons, Rachel Anderson and David Larson of the National Institute for Health Research, the authors conducted a systematic review of the scientific literature on corporal punishment. They found that 83% of the 132 articles published in clinical and psychosocial journals were just an opinion that supported the editor's position. And the editor was usually for Ostrich. Reviews and commentaries are devoid of new empirical research. In addition, most empirical research has been collected methodologically incorrectly, selectively grouping the consequences of corporal punishment abuse. Researches collected methodologically more correctly have shown that there is virtually no difference between slapping and non-slapping education. Obviously, there is not enough evidence to convict the parent's slapping and sufficient evidence, and to justify the proper use of this type of exposure. (2) The belief that “flogging teaches to beat” has gained popularity over the past decade, but is also not supported by objective evidence. A distinction should be made between beating and slapping. A child's ability to distinguish between beating and disciplinary slapping depends largely on the parent's attitude towards the procedure. There is no evidence in the medical literature that soft slapping on the buttocks of a disobedient child by a loving parent teaches the child aggressive behavior. Thus, the more important question is how and when flogging is used, and not just how it is used.
He himself contacted one of the anti-bullying organizations to explain the weak points of the theory, but did not wait for any answer.
And indeed, if you use the Google search, the queries will offer only the position of Strauss.
And that's not all. Although the American Pediatricians' Association generally supports Strauss, two pediatricians, Dan Trumbal and DaBose Revenel, have contributed to this general split. They're quoting a survey of over 100 Americans. In 4 cases out of 5 interviewees admitted that they were spanked in childhood – and expressed the opinion that they benefited from it.
Of course, such a survey cannot be a refutation of Ostrich's theory. But Trumble and Ravenel argued further:
(1) Based on the work of John Lyons, Rachel Anderson and David Larson of the National Institute for Health Research, the authors conducted a systematic review of the scientific literature on corporal punishment.
They found that 83% of the 132 articles published in clinical and psychosocial journals were just an opinion that supported the editor's position. And the editor was usually for Ostrich. Reviews and commentaries are devoid of new empirical research.
In addition, most empirical research has been collected methodologically incorrectly, selectively grouping the consequences of corporal punishment abuse.
Researches collected methodologically more correctly have shown that there is virtually no difference between slapping and non-slapping education. Obviously, there is not enough evidence to convict the parent's slapping and sufficient evidence, and to justify the proper use of this type of exposure.
(2) The belief that “flogging teaches to beat” has gained popularity over the past decade, but is also not supported by objective evidence. A distinction should be made between beating and slapping. A child's ability to distinguish between beating and disciplinary slapping depends largely on the parent's attitude towards the procedure.
There is no evidence in the medical literature that soft slapping on the buttocks of a disobedient child by a loving parent teaches the child aggressive behavior. Thus, the more important question is how and when flogging is used, and not just how it is used.
(3) Many children's flip-flops opponents claim that only those who cannot control their impulses spoil the child.
One study published in Pediatrics shows that most parents spanking their children do not do so under the influence of an impulse alone.
They purposefully spank their children believing that such an impact is effective. The study showed that there is no significant correlation between flogging frequency and maternal anger.
(4) Jet, impulsive slapping due to loss of control over anger is certainly not the right way to educate, and does not justify corporal punishment. But eliminating all forms of corporal punishment in the family will not correct all unfavorable life scenarios for grown-up children, and can even lead to increased problems.
Many parents, having refused to slap, tend to use more dysfunctions of the methods of influencing the child – solicitation, bribery, indulgence of behavior, etc. Not all parents are willing and able to invest a great deal of time in solving sometimes basic everyday problems with their child and go for “quick fixes” that are just as dysfunctional.
(5) Any disciplinary measure, physical, verbal or emotional, brought to the extreme, can be harmful to the child. The practice of parents to over-bully criticize a child and a situation in which only one of the parents scolds him or her can cause emotional harm to the child.
Excessive use of isolation (timeout) for unreasonably long periods of time can humiliate the child and undermine the effectiveness of this measure. Obviously, excessive or indiscriminate physical punishment is harmful and offensive.
However, controlled and situational slapping is not too harmful.
(6) All types of punishment initially cause the child's frustration and anger. Increasing this anger depends primarily on the attitudes of parents during and after disciplinary action, and the manner in which it is applied.
Any form of retaliation against parents, rather than correction, can cause anger and resentment in the child. In fact, slapping can stop the rise in anger of a disobedient child and quickly restore the relationship between parent and child.
The use of the term “violence” against slapping only deepens terminological confusion.
(7) Power and control over the child are sometimes necessary to ensure safety, health, and good behaviour.
Classical studies of child care have shown that some degree of parental power and control are important for optimal parenting.
When such parental authority manifests itself in the context of love and in the best interests of the child, the child will not perceive it as intimidation or humiliation.
(8) Flip-flop punishment is not “violence” by definition (“using physical force to hurt or commit physical violence against a child”).
Why do authors who oppose flogging never distinguish between physical violence and soft slapping? The lack of this difference in their texts suggests that the authors are using this situation for propaganda purposes and not to clarify the issues.
In this way, it is clear that there is still no consensus on how the child should be raised and what will be the benefits and harms for the child in case of slapping. For this reason, every parent should be guided by the way they see parenting and what will be useful to the child.
There are indeed complex and easy children. Some are easy to include, others don't care, and they don't listen to it.
Splatters should pay attention to what methods they use as “non-violent parenting”.
Are they dysfunctional? Those who think that slapping the ass won't do anything wrong should pay attention to whether they slap the child at the peak of their frustration emotions.
Maybe hit a child on the ass with a hand or belt
Hello, dear readers! Every time I think about raising children, I realize that this process is not easy for everyone. But I think everybody will agree that this is an insanely important thing.
After all, it's in childhood that all the principles we live by as adults are laid down.
Today I'd like to talk about whether it's possible to hit a child on the butt, how best to build a system of punishment and how to interact with the baby.
I'll tell you at once – a fierce opponent of physical punishment. I increasingly come to the conclusion that physical violence is used by parents who do not have enough patience, who can not talk to their baby. Let's try to find out how we can interact with the karapuz without punishing with a punch in the hand or with a belt on the butt.
As long as your muzzle is still very small, it has no connection between the concepts of “bad deed” – “punishment”. The baby understands this as a “mother” – “pain”.
Think for a moment, do you need this connection between these two concepts? After all, a mother is the closest, dearest and beloved person who protects you, supports you, feeds you.
How can you develop curiosity and openness to the world in your karapuzah if he will be afraid of his own parents?
This way, it turns out that when you slap or hit a child begins to feel fear the parent. You can understand that by blinking. The more often he blinks, the more scared he gets.
Don't forget that offspring copy their parents' behavior. Therefore, when a daddy allows himself to hit a weaker son physically, the guy grows up and thinks he can do the same to other people. The weaker one means it can be stuttered.
Slowly the baby gets used to the slaps. It follows that more effort will have to be made to achieve a result. What does that mean? You're gonna have to hit the kid harder and harder? Do you really believe that this pattern of behaviour will help you raise your baby?
Physical punishment is a direct path to human inaction in the future. Criticism in the form of hand-application means for the baby that it is better not to do anything at all, or start lying about their actions. I think you'll find the article “Can you scold a child at two years old” very useful.
The right punishment
The punishment system should look like an “action” to me – “consequence.” In one of his speeches, Dr. Komarowski was very interested in this topic. The boy has been nascodied since the morning, and his father threatens him with a punishment in the form of a ban on evening cartoons.
When the evening comes, the karapuz does not remember what he was punished for. That's why it's very important not to miss the moment.
Task of upbringing is to show the child where the actions of the child will lead to. I threw away the toy, don't lift it with readiness.
To the kid should come the realization that once threw it away, it means that today you won't play