How to teach a child to fight

What to do if a child fights constantly? How do I disqualify?

How do I disqualify a child from fighting
Cause of child aggression

  1. Lack of communication skills with others, lack of ability to speak and express emotions that are simply over the top. The child wants to convey information to others, but they don't understand it, they don't get it yet, so they use fists.

    A good example: a children's game in a sandbox, during which one child takes away a toy from the hands of the second one they like. The second kid is extremely dissatisfied with this and defends his right to continue to play with what he played with. Neither the first nor the second child is able to negotiate, share, exchange.

    And this is a normal stage of development, during which you need to constantly and regularly teach your child to communicate, to offer to change toys.

  2. The child needs help, although he wants to do it himself. He can't, he starts crying, screaming, throwing everything around.

    Dissatisfaction and disappointment, the anger flashes that he experiences at this moment can spill out in the form of attacks on parents (beating Mom, Dad and even the good-natured grandparents).

  3. The heyday of the crisis is 3 years old (this age crisis begins in different ways: at 1.5 years, 2 years, 3 years or later).

    The child does not obey, perechit, climb anywhere and everywhere that should not be. Read more in the article “3 Years' Crisis: How do parents behave?”.

  4. Lack of parental attention. The child knows that if he or she starts to fight or hurt someone, parents will pay attention, albeit negative, to him or her.

    If there isn't any, then at least some emotion and a look at the person.

  5. Perfect viewing of bad and evil cartoons, videos have a negative effect on the nervous system of the child.
  6. If scandals on high tones, shouts, fights are present in front of the child, it copies the behavior of adults. In such a family it is very difficult to raise a kind, sweet, responsive baby, because the aggression is always close by and manifests itself on any occasion. Parents should understand this and work on their relationships for the benefit of the whole family.

How do you teach your child to fight?

Begin to stop a child's attempts to hit or push another person immediately and constantly have conversations if they repeat them (and they will).

Parents will have to have a wagon of patience (isn't that what you wanted when the baby was born? Please use it!). Your actions should be clear, and not in a way that today you punished the child for slapping them, but tomorrow everyone laughed at the same misdemeanor together.

What about reacting to a child's fights, how can we help the child to correct such behavior?

  • if “no” or “no”, it will always be “no” and “no”. And this rule should be followed by all family members;
  • play on the child's feelings: you need to clearly show that you are offended, explain that you are in pain and categorically dissatisfied with his or her behavior. Get up and walk away from your child in silence, stopping all games or feeding, etc. Do not wait for an instant result, the child will not immediately build a logical chain “I did something unpleasant and my mother did not play/study with me. It takes time and time to repeat the same or similar situation;
  • in the relationship between other children on the street, in the playroom, in kindergarten (in which case we have high hopes for teachers), teach children to ask to play with other children's toys, to give them their own if asked by another child. At the same time, if the child is very keen on his toy and does not want to share it with others, do not insist, and especially do not force another to give the toy, it is his right. He must be able to express his opinions and desires. Pay as much attention as possible to teaching your child communication skills: learn to get acquainted, play in a team. Explain to the child that any conflict can be resolved in words, fights and fists are the last thing to do;
  • to waste a lot of energy and release steam or negative emotions, anger, put the child in the sports section. Children's psyche is very flexible, so team sports are taught to play together, help and support each other. If the age of the child does not yet allow to go to sports clubs, then teach at home during anger to beat the pillow, to tear a piece of paper into small pieces, to tweak a pen on a big watman or switch to some board game, which is under the power of the baby.

If you follow the above recommendations, the question of how to teach your child to fight with time will disappear and the situation will get better.

Brothers and sisters fight: what do we do?

You know, but it is very rare that brothers and sisters have lived in peace since childhood. Despite the fact that they are so close relatives, children rarely find common ground with each other without the help of mom and dad. The majority of parents who have two or more children each face the same problem – little fights.

What do you do in this situation? The problem is that children have not yet learned how to express their feelings and emotions in a civilized way, and therefore clarify their relationships through physical force.

Your task is to teach children to find compromises, respect the decisions and wishes of others, and develop the ability to share and forgive.

Yes, it's not an easy task, because even smart adults are often unable to give in, so what about the kids who have just stepped on the path of life, which to them seems like a little fascinating story and a bright adventure. Let's try to fix this situation.

Step Guide for parents of brawlers

  • To begin with, give up the idea of equalizing children in everything. No, this isn't about your attitude towards them. Both babies should feel loved equally. You must not buy them the same clothes, the same toys, the same treats. By doing so, you simply deprive children of the opportunity to learn to share. If children see that everything is the same for them, they understand that there is no need to share something with their brother or sister. Sooner or later, a child may have an elementary avarice or greed.

Your task is to provoke situations that would force children to share.

So, for example, instead of buying each kid a chocolate bar, it's better to buy one big bar of chocolate and tell the kids to share it with each other. Of course, there may be a dispute or even an altercation, but you shouldn't get involved in a heated discussion of your kids until it turns into a scandal.

Understand that, having argued, the kids will come to some kind of agreement sooner or later, arranging both of them.

And if you provoke such situations regularly, after a while the sharing of “common property” will no longer cause such a storm of emotion, but will be taken for granted. And since a compromise will be found in one of the issues related to co-existence, compromises in other “areas” are not far away;

  • Remember that any aggression by children against each other must be strictly stopped. So, for example, if one child hit another, then strictly tell the children: “You must not behave like this! I'm not gonna let you fight! The perpetrator will be punished immediately!” But don't you dare to beat the fuck up a good fighter after these words. It's better to lock the baby in the room alone for a few minutes. In doing so, it is necessary to say clearly what exactly you are punishing him for, as well as to clarify the duration of your punishment. Place a watch in front of your baby and tell him that only when the hands are in that position will he be able to consider his punishment over. It's important to say that you shouldn't impose too long a sentence. Even a few minutes spent all alone can seem like an eternity to your child.

It's also important to say that after the child leaves the “forced confinement”, you should talk to him/her quietly, without resentment or irritation in the voice. Understand that the purpose of your punishment should be good upbringing, not bullying and intimidation of the baby. The main thing is for the child to know exactly what you are punishing him.

Need that the child also needs to understand that it is not the child who is bad, that you are not the one who is being treated with such severity, but rather his or her behaviour, and that it is his or her negative deed that has forced you to do the same;

  • it is also important to say that teaching the child to ask for forgiveness is also necessary from an early age. If one of the kids broke the cube house that the other one built, don't forget to make the first one apologize. Let children know that they should apologize not only to adults if they have done something wrong, but also to each other;
  • and do not forget to make amends. A child should know that if he or she has spoiled something, he or she must make reparation for all losses incurred by the “injured party”. If one of the kids has destroyed several sandpipes, which the other one lovingly cooked in the sandbox, then you have to make the “criminal” not only apologize for what he did, but also to build a new trampled “pies” of sand. Only after that can the incident be considered exhausted;

The most important thing for both children is to feel that their parents love them equally, and there is no one “worse” but someone “better” among them. Don't be afraid to show your care and attention. Remember, love is not pampering.

When children grow up, they always remember with special tenderness those mom and dad sitting next to each other and stroking them on the head, saying something like, “I love you, sweetheart! And I will always love you! You're the best I've got.” Praise your children! Once the praise is given, the child will seek to earn it again. It's natural. For one admiring and approving look your child is ready to turn the mountains, not only to apologize to your brother or sister.

True, there is one important point to consider.

The child must learn from your explanations that he is not apologizing to you, not because one of his parents asked him to, but because he did wrong, that he hurt the person and must correct his mistake

It is important to say right away that the process of “reconciliation” can take quite a long time. Throughout this time, you must be patient, attentive and caring. Never refuse a child a conversation, help with advice if he or she needs it.

If you do the right thing, your children will grow up to be good people for life. It's a worthy reward for all your hard work, isn't it?


The baby fights. How to teach a child to fight

How to teach a child to fight

The child grows, develops, and over time, many parents encounter aggression as a manifestation of their child's behavior. For the first time it can happen at any age, and the baby can express his anger at anyone. But don't think it's gonna go away on its own. You should take action as soon as you notice aggressive behavior.

Before you move on to specific actions, you need to understand the grounds for demonstrating aggression. The article will list the reasons for aggressive behavior and how parents should deal with it.

Parental actions

Mom and Dad should first understand the situation and the reasons for this behavior. Depending on the reason for choosing the right tactics.

Children may start showing aggression very early, thus expressing their dissatisfaction. Usually in this case, the mother suffers, her baby can bite, hit, pinch, scream or cry. It is necessary to show him at once that it is not necessary to behave so.

Try to intercept a hand of the kid when he starts to wave. If he did, tell him it hurts a lot, hurts a lot. A mother may even pretend to cry.

We should never scold a child and smile at them, as such a reaction would only reinforce the negative behavior of the child.

There are cases where a child exhibits aggressive behavior in the absence of parents, for example, in an institution. In this situation, you do not need to immediately reprimand the baby and make him guilty of everything.

To begin with, it is necessary to find out everything that happened in an adult who was a witness to what happened and directly in the child. If a child talks clearly about what happened, he or she is likely to be telling the truth.

Perhaps the fight arose because he or she was defending himself or herself, friends, or toys. In this case, it is not possible to react and swear very strongly, because it will be perceived by the child as betrayal by parents.

After a while, such a child will not be able to defend himself because he will be afraid to take any action. To prevent this from happening, you should teach your child to defend themselves without fighting.

As a matter of fact, on our website you can find an article about the reasons for children's lies. If your child is often lying, the material will help you to fully understand the problem.

Meetings with other children can also occur in the presence of parents, for example, in a playground. In this case, you don't have to scold or protect the child without understanding the situation. If you scold him, he will also behave, but not in the eyes of his parents.

If you protect him, he will feel that he is allowed to do everything. When a child is wrong, it is necessary to talk to him or her, explain everything to him or her and ask him or her to apologize for his or her behaviour. If you refuse to take your child home so that he or she can think about how to behave, but as much as possible.

If there are several children in the family and they fight together, you should not take sides with any of the children. Failure to do so may result in jealousy and additional fighting. In this case, it is recommended that the children are separated into different rooms/ angles to calm them down. Afterwards, the children will start playing together again.

Don't turn this event into a sensation the first time you fight. You should give the right reaction:

  • Deemand to raise your hand against someone.
  • Seriously and confidently, looking into the eyes of your child, to convey the ban to him.
  • Reat it again if the child did not listen carefully and turned away.
  • Repeat such a reaction every time a fight occurs.
  • In the future, teach a child to express his or her negative thoughts verbally or in a more acceptable way. It is important that the rule that should be followed at all ages if a child fights is not to be supported by physical violence. Thus, even light slaps on the hands or on the back of the parents, will fix in the minds of crumbs that the violence can only be committed by the stronger one. As a result, the child will find the one who is weaker than him and already on him to lose anger.

    It is important to understand that the child does not learn from a fight for one conversation. This behavior requires a lot of attention and stability in their reactions.

    Preventing aggressive behavior

    You have already made recommendations on how to react to fights when they occur. However, it is important not only to give the right reaction, but also to systematically carry out prevention, so that this does not happen again in the next few times. This requires:

    1. Try to improve the situation within the family. Resolve all conflicts, or protect your child from direct observation.
    2. Revise educational tactics, reduce the number of prohibitions, refuse physical punishment. Requirements for the child to be understandable.
    3. Tell the child about other ways to express their anger and teach them. Sometimes it is useful to find a place in the house where a child can shout, rip paper, sink his or her feet and cry. This will encourage the release of negative emotions, but it will also not harm others.
    4. Find a child something to do. If the child is very active and has nowhere to go with his energy, then his discharge will be facilitated by outdoor games, home classes, or attendance at some clubs, sections. Sporting activities will also help to relieve physical tension and emotional strain.
    5. Systematically explain what is good and what is bad, and read or write fairy tales about it.
    6. Build an open relationship with the child. It is important to demonstrate parental love and care.
    7. No encouragement should be given to aggression, even if it has been used as self-defense.
    8. In the case of a child already attending school to talk to a psychologist to help identify the reasons for the child's aggressive behaviour and suggest further actions.

    Partners should learn to understand their child from a young age so that they can always help their child, identify the right way to get rid of negative emotions, and find the right solution to any situation.


    The child fights: what to do, how to teach the child to fight in 1,5, 2, 3, 4 years

    How to teach the child to fight

    Virtually all parents with children aged 1-2 to about 4-5 years face such a problem at least once.

    This is due to the fact that the child does not yet know all the norms of behavior and rules, so in case of problems of communication he puts into practice all the means available to him to influence others, including fists.

    Reasons for child's aggression Parents' mistakes Causes of child fights – Age of the child – Specifics of character, excessive excitability – Formation of new patterns of behavior – Attention Attention to the elders – imitation of the elders 4. How do you teach a child to fight?

    This information is often a surprise to parents, especially if the fights take place in a kindergarten or playground, and the child's home is quite peaceful and calm.

    Many parents stand up for the baby without understanding the situation and forgetting that the baby's home may have been slippery to such episodes in relation to the mother or father, or in relation to toys or pets. At the age of 1.

    5 to 4 years old, attempts to talk and explain often do not succeed, as children's attention is dispersed and they often come from the opposite side, which leads to the aggravation of conflicts with peers and caregivers, other parents.

    It is important for parents to understand that such behavior of the child is a problem, and it is important to understand the situation, to explain the consequences of such behavior to the child, to find the root of the problem and to find the most appropriate safe way out.

    You should not blame yourself for such situations, considering that you are not able to raise children, as well as interrupt tons of information on child psychology.

    It is important to understand that this is a fairly frequent situation that has its own causes and ways of getting out of the situation, it is only important to identify from all the typical causes those that are typical of your family.


    Children's aggression is a natural step in forming a character, becoming their own self and finding their place in life.

    Cause of child aggression

    In an attempt to find the reasons for this behavior, parents may think the child is going through a period of crisis, or they may think it's an age-specific and personality-building process.

    The names of this period are many, but it is important to know that changes in the child's behavior are closely related to his or her psychology, and it is important to understand the child's behavior and problems, learn to listen to and decipher the signals that the child sends and help him or her cope with difficult periods. Then it will be possible to quickly stop such aggressive behavior and stop fights.

    As such a single and universal, suitable for all children and situations, there is no reason for child aggression and fighting.

    A whole group of certain factors has been identified, and in complex situations they can influence simultaneously to create a complex tangle of relationships to be addressed.

    It is important to understand and explain to the child that such behaviour is not acceptable, to look for the reasons for such aggression and to help the child cope with it, to change the behaviour before it goes far and hurts the children and adults around them.


    If problems are not solved by themselves, it is worth involving a psychologist to find solutions and “cure” for aggression.

    Parental mistakes

    Aggression and fights often require help, and parents often make serious mistakes if they don't consider fights to be a problem and let the situation stand on its own. The only thing worse than that is to indulge in such behaviour if the child is not blamed for his or her fights and believes that such actions are not dangerous.

    Many parents find it amusing to see the rage and aggression of a baby waving his fists in a sandbox or kindergarten group. Part of the reason for this is that it is a feature of the character that the baby will grow out of, or a role model for a daddy who does martial arts, sports, etc.

    Other parents think that there is nothing wrong with a child trying to stand up for himself with his fists, but this is not a way out of the situation, as this behavior will only form a tangle of problems in the future.

    As the child grows up, the problems only get worse, get worse, and the child with this behavior can become an outcast, no one is friends with him, no one plays with him, and no one communicates with him, because his behavior is just a fight.

    This is even more frustrating and angry, resulting in the development of a teenager and an adult who suffers from complexes, is not adapted to social interaction, and has signs of violence and long-standing grievances against everyone. He gets used to having only power and hysteria in his life, and it's hard to live with such a person.

    Cause of child fights

    Psychologists tend to identify several groups of causes that lead to fights in children based on age. Most often, children behave in this way as a result of the influence of the surrounding society or the norms of morality and ethics in the family, it is also important to talk about the main factors and reasons leading to such aggressive behaviour.

    Child's age

    The peak of aggressive behavior in babies falls on the period from one to four years. These are quite normal and natural reactions, acquisition of life experience. In the course of trying out different behaviours, the child understands the limits of what is acceptable.

    From a year old, when the child learns to walk and explore new boundaries of space, he or she can try to fight with parents and surrounding babies. If he or she hears bans from parents on getting what he or she wants, one of the natural reactions may be dissatisfaction and an attempt to strike, protest.

    If the parents react to it in a timely manner and stop it, the child is brought up correctly.

    After two years, when the baby's speech develops and tries to give some information, but cannot due to limited vocabulary, can not adequately convey his thoughts, he can be angry, then aggression generates a fight. If parents don't understand the child's requests, especially if he or she asks for something very important to him or her at this point in time, he or she throws himself or herself into battle. It's a gesture of despair and helplessness.

    Specificity of character, excessive excitability

    In the presence of choleric character traits in the baby, as he grows and develops, it is difficult for him to cope with his emotions, rather than more relaxed phlegmatic or melancholic.

    Therefore, his excessively turbulent emotions can spill out in aggressive behavior, fights and shouts, hysterics.

    But there may be other problems arising from abnormalities in the state of health, for example, against the background of increased intracranial pressure, which threatens with increased irritability and excitability.


    Aggression and constant fighting can be not only a manifestation of temperament and character, but also the initial signs of mental health problems and symptoms of certain diseases (including autism).

    Formation of new behaviors

    As the child's mental sphere develops, he or she goes through certain stages of development in which fighting tactics are one of the quite normal and legitimate behavioral scenarios.

    All children will try out different behaviors – “obedient baby”, modest or shy, and fighting or aggressive.

    They explore their emotions and the reactions of others to certain behaviors, choosing the one that is most comfortable and appropriate for them.

    Kids are active researchers, they are constantly engaged in the study of the world around them, evaluate it in all available ways, and actively absorb information, forming their own personality.

    Sometimes they try to prove their point of view or defend their opinion in various ways, up to fights and pinches, bites, and understand in the end, which of the methods work, and which should be abandoned.

    In this very period of learning about the world, it is important for parents to control the situation and set a positive example of behaviour.


    Spotential behavior as a way to attract attention is typical for children of different ages, but the younger the child, the more likely the behavior is for him or her. If parents don't want to play with their child in other ways, then children can be aggressive against them so that they can be noticed and noticed.

    If parents' attention is distracted by other children or adults, the aggression can be directed against them. The same situation can be in the kindergarten, if the teacher praises other children, and the child does not notice. Then he directs the aggression towards her or the little ones, thereby drawing attention to himself

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